


hold it up

by curtailed



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anyways, Earth C (Homestuck), Love Confessions, M/M, Parties, happy 4/13 everyone, i know its been a year but srsly wtf were the epilogues, kind of, we ignore the Epilogues as par course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23415154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curtailed/pseuds/curtailed
Summary: Unexpected people show up at a party on Earth C.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sollux Captor & Aradia Megido, Sollux Captor/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 10
Kudos: 37





	hold it up

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, don't forget to leave a comment and kudos!
> 
> Rated T for swearing.

"I'm not _trying_ to dress you up for a model party," Aradia said from the other side of the washroom door, "but I'm seriously considering not taking you if you look like a drowned rat again."

"C'mon _,_ AA, I'm dressed in this perfectly fine wasteful piece of shit clothes." The color on the hoodie was weird enough, Sollux observed, more of a dark-green with a gold-laced Gemini on the upper left chest, but it was passable. His shoes remained mismatched.

"Are you done?"

"Yeah." Sollux smoothed out some of the folds. 

Outside in the hallway Aradia was leaning against the wall, looking as serene as ever. Still, Sollux felt the prickle of self-consciousness as his friend looked him over from shoes to messy hair and horns. "You're really wearing that?"

"It was KN's gift a long time ago," he said defensively.

Aradia had to smile. She never changed from her God-Tier clothes, even when all the others did, and Sollux couldn't blame her: all her other clothes would only bring memories of when she had died. He followed her out onto the hive's front lawnring. Deep-red wings shimmered from her back, glimmering and trailing sparks as they unfolded, and she effortlessly levitated herself into the air. Sollux tentatively followed suit, gritting his teeth slightly at the hum of psionics bracing him into the night air.

"How do you know where Dirk lives?" he tried to shout over the wind.

"Just trust me!" At this height the planet's oddities blurred into shadows. Hives were a familiar sight, but houses and towers...it was always more of an "Earth"-oriented world than Alternia, and Aradia had explained it was due to the presence of more humans than any other player species. Beyond the cliffs the sea rippled dark and gorgeous, never failing to send a chill down his back. The _sea._

"What happens if everyone goes all ax-crazy?"

"It won't," Aradia assured as they drifted over a patch of woodlands. "I can protect you, for starters."

"Really."

She winked down at him. "No one's going to start anything unless they have a death wish. All the humans are god-tier, for one, and Kanaya and Terezi became a lot more powerful when we were away. And Karkat," she added as an afterthought. Sollux felt his brain freeze at the mention of the name.

" _Karkat?_ "

"I'm pretty sure you know him," Aradia deadpanned.

"I mean -- he's coming? He's also coming?"

Aradia stared blankly at him, uncomfortably reminding him of her robot days. "Why wouldn't he?"

"I...I forgot," he lied, feeling like the wind was going to strangle him. Aradia raised an eyebrow but said nothing. They continually drifted over the abodes and towns, Aradia occasionally pointing out a few marked locations. Truthfully, it did feel nice to fly about, even with the limit of gravity -- for sweeps it was all he and Aradia had done, drifing among the dead ruins of a civilization. The Sun always gleamed on their backs, the faint trace of green unfurling into the air, and then one day it had become an entryway to this world.

He couldn't say he despised it. Several other trolls had apparently come through the portal, along with a bizarre spritelike combination of NP and the Dave human, and presumably the reunions had been sharp and emotional. By the time he and Aradia had stepped foot they were only greeted by an orange-eyed human, who was busy setting off rockets on a knoll.

"You're late by a _lot,_ " the human had said, one hand cautiously drifting to a katana strapped across his back.

People here moved all the time. Hives were easily deconstructed and rebuilt elsewhere; alchemizers took care of every conceivable supply, the air was free of smoke and misty tendrils of blood, and the population density was surprisingly spread out. "'Cept the Carapacian kingdoms," the human -- Dirk, he introduced himself as -- had drawled. "But whoever you're looking for probably won't be there."

"We could go around and meet up with them," Aradia had suggested.

"You _could,_ yeah." Dirk returned to his rockets. "But there's an old-fashioned-ass party in two days, if you want to get every fish in the box. It's at my house, FYI."

So here they were. A stripe of lights winded along an artifical river -- "I can smell the metal" Aradia proclaimed -- and slowly they began to descend. Sollux had long mastered the minute logistics of his psionics; he watched flickers of black-white crawl up his arms, letting him float gently until they were toe-level with the house's roof. Peculiarly enough, the middle section was roofless -- sort of like an open courtyard -- and Sollux could already hear the murmur of voices and clinks of glass. If he concentrated hard enough, he could recognize some of the voices --

"Hey," Aradia whispered, noticing how his face had tensed, "I have a great idea! We could surprise them!"

"What, we're just going to float down and -- " and Aradia was already flying down, her wings flapping, and he flew after her. "Wait, _wait,_ this is a seriously shitty idea -- "

" _SURPRISE!"_ Aradia exclaimed as she dropped down into the roofless parlor. 

Someone shrieked; someone else cussed violently, and suddenly a sharp gust of wind came out of nowhere, a cyclone of whirling mass headed straight for Aradia. Sollux didn't hesitate; he already felt himself _reaching_ for her, psionics crackling and fizzling as she raised her arms -- 

_Fraymotif._ They had practiced it countless times in the Universal Void. "We never know what we could run into," Aradia had informed them the first time they tried. It had been torture back then; now it was almost effortless as whorls of red flared from her body, trapping the whole room in frozen time, and he reached into the powers of the portent, already straining against the law of chance and probability, all too aware of the bodies around as their pulses resonated in his skull -- 

"Alright, _alright!"_ It was a pink-eyed female human leaning against the counter, blonde-white hair curling up at her jawline. She stared at them sharply. "You're the two missing trolls, aren't you? Couldn't there be a better way to prove your identity?"

"I'm more surprised you're not affected," said Aradia.

"Void powers. Can you let them go?"

Aradia smiled, shrugged, and broke her hold.

Immediately the room erupted into chaos -- it ebbed slightly as the inhabitants finally processed who was standing before them, and Sollux quelled the urge to fly right the fuck out again. A strange tension settled over the room. It was only the Void human, Dirk, John -- Sollux vaguely remembered his name -- and a person that was neither troll nor human, with dark-green skin and swirls on their cheekbones. They stared back just as blankly.

"Hey, uh," John greeted them awkwardly. "You two. I definitely remember you two."

"We do as well," Aradia said happily.

"That was...yeah, hell of an entrance." Dirk's mouth was a tight line. "You're a bit early, weirdly enough. The others should be coming soon."

"Can we get some introductions?" the Void human said, crossing her arms.

"Oh. Okay. Roxy, this is Aradia -- the one with the wings -- and Sollux." John sounded like he was about to chew off his tongue. "Um, I'm John -- "

"No shit," Sollux started.

"This is Roxy -- " he gestured to the female human, "um, her companion here is Calliope -- she's a cherub -- and this is Dirk. Roxy is Rose's mom, and Dirk is Dave's brother -- I...don't know if you know them."

"I know Dave and Rose." Aradia's grin could have been pulled from a painting. The room was sparse, if clean; blank walls, a few chairs strewn here and there, a threadbare rug covering the floor. Dirk caught him looking and shrugged. "it's my spare space," he mouthed.

"Okay. Cool." John couldn't have looked more uncomfortable if he tried. "Sorry about lashing out, it was just self-defense."

"No apology needed. We understand." Aradia said. Sollux resisted the urge to roll his half-blind eyes, not that any of them would be able to tell. 

The room fell back into silence. Aradia had no qualms; she fluttered over to the mantelpiece, where a few photographs lined the bar, and prodded at them. "Sollux," she announced, and he stiffened up like he had been tazed with a cattle prod, "come over here. I think I can put some names to faces."

"I was _there_ with you, AA."

"Still, you should come over!" He did so reluctantly, trying to shrug off how the other humans and the cherub were attempting not to stare at them. Personal photographs were few and far between on Alternia, since it had absolutely no use at all, but the mantelpiece's were more than generous. 

"That's Terezi and Kanaya!" Sollux had to smile; the two trolls were sitting at a table across from each other. Terezi was busy trying to draw something with chalk on the table surface; Kanaya looked bored out of her mind. It was nice seeing them content, at least. He moved closer. 

"They're older."

"They're not God-tier or half-dead like us," Aradia said, her smile a touch wistful. She moved on to the next photograph before Sollux could process her words. "Huh. This person looks like John, but...isn't."

John looked like someone had tied rocks to his shoes as he floated over. "That's my -- ectological mom," he said, prodding at the frame. "Her name's Jane."

"Oh! I don't think we've seen or met her."

"Yeah, they were from after the scratched universe." 

"Interesting. Will she be coming tonight?"

"Y-Yeah." Even with one eye Sollux could catch John and Dirk exchanging a _wtf_ look across the room. He felt itchy inside, like his bones were too much for his skin, but he said nothing. Aradia trailed over the next few photographs and her smile only widened.

"Sollux, come look at this!"

He decided against opening his mouth and telling her he couldn't give less a shit on whoever she was viewing, but then she angled the photograph to him and his breath caught --

It was Karkat. It was just a solo picture, the troll sitting at a boulder by the sea, sharpening his sickle. A distant, hazy memory rose in Sollux's thoughts -- he remembered flying over to Karkat's hive, letting himself through the window, fuck around on both of their husktops while Karkat complained like a wiggler in the background. He was always sharpening his sickle out of habit, the _scrape scrape scrape_ of stone against metal simultaneously grating and familiar to Sollux's ears. It was one of many sounds he had grown to associate with the other troll, and he wondered how many times he had fallen asleep on Karkat's couch listening to the scraping. 

Karkat looked _content._ It was like he had just been roused from a deep sleep, his eyes still lidded and his hair tousled around his ears. His horns glinted in the sunlight. The sand seemed soft and fluffy around his bare feet. Whoever had taken the picture had been exceptionally skilled.

"I don't think I've seen him so not-angry before," Aradia said, still smiling. "Don't you agree?"

He forced himself to speak. "Yeah. He looks -- way less strung." A weird, bubbling warmth had risen in his gut at seeing Karkat's almost-serene expression. The last time he had talked to his Karkat -- the alpha one, at the very least -- it had been a distant speck as he and Aradia threw the meteor into lightspeed. He hadn't thought about that memory in a long time.

A sharp knock at the door snapped him out of his thoughts. 

"See? People actually use the doors," Roxy grumbled. Dirk muttered something under his breath before peering through the door's peephole.

"It's Rose and Kanaya."

Both of them swept into the room. Rose was -- Sollux dimly remembered her, having the same pale, feathery hair as her ectobrother -- bedecked in what looked like an orange-gold dress, but Kanaya. _Kanaya._ She still held herself the same, having grown even taller, a rustle of heavy skirts dragging behind her. Her eyes widened when she saw them.

"Aradia! Sollux!" Aradia's laugh rang like a bell as Kanaya rushed over and embraced her, lifting her off her feet. Then Kanaya turned and gave Sollux a quick hug, squeezing his shoulder. "I thought I heard rumors -- but you're actually here! This is a lovely surprise."

"It's great to see you too," Aradia said, her eyes twinkling. Sollux nodded in assent. "And...Rose, I believe? It's nice to meet you again."

"The sentiment is returned." Rose and Aradia shook hands. The human glanced at Sollux, scrutinizing him. "This is Sollux, yes? I remember Karkat shouting your name on the meteor."

Sollux tried not to flush. "He's like that, yeah."

"Hm." Rose's smile was slight, but sincere. "It's never a negative to see mildly-new faces again. If you'll excuse me," she laced her arm through Kanaya's, "I have to chat with my ectomother for a little bit."

"I told you this won't be _too_ bad," Aradia said when the two had left their vicinity.

"It's been okay," Sollux admitted. It was hard to feel uncomfortable around Kanaya, although the human was another story. Kanaya soon returned with a beverage in hand, and they made small talk, with mostly Kanaya describing a bit of the new planet. "The sun doesn't kill," she was explaining, taking a small sip of her drink, "and now we're also free to wander the sea how ever we like. I have mostly been living with Rose."

"It sounds like forever ago when you asked me to set up the viewport," Sollux said, unable to help his grin.

A light-jade blush rose in Kanaya's cheeks. "Well. It didn't turn out _too_ disastrous, so I should thank you for that."

The next pair to arrive was the John-looking female Aradia had been observing earlier, dressed in a red jacket and black skirt, and a green-eyed, black-haired human male wearing a thick leather jacket. "That's Jane and Jake," Kanaya told them, watching Dirk and Roxy embrace them warmly. "They are from the universe created after the Scratch."

Next came Terezi. She still wielded her cane, as evidenced when she used it to smack John's knees before pulling him down into a kiss. Aradia blinked at that. "Kismesis," Kanaya hurriedly explained. 

"Does that mean Vriska's coming too?" Sollux shifted a little on his feet. Aradia, for once, did not seem too happy.

"Nope!" Terezi's voice was loud and clear. "I thought I smelled some familiar faces -- Aradia, isn't it? And Mr. Appleberry?" She cackled and wrapped Aradia in a sloppy hug, before pinching at Sollux's cheek. "I'm sure if I could see you I'd be happy to say so."

"Same," Sollux said, his heart squeezing nervously. "But why isn't...Vriska with you? Last time I saw you you two were pretty -- "

"She's still in the Outer Ring!" Terezi frowned. "I'll be leaving tomorrow to search for her, after this party is over."

"TZ, no offense, but it's not exactly safe -- "

"I can handle myself, Sollux." Terezi shrugged, her shoulders tight with tension. "But I'm sure I can find her, or that she'll find this planet. If you two could, then...so could she."

Before she could say anything else, the door swung open, and the others walked in.

There seemed to be an explosion of sound and colors and fabric; Sollux barely registered the mass of curls and tittering laughter as Feferi, hugging him tightly about the shoulders, and even in the sweeps where had had grown and she had remained dead he was still barely up to her height. TImidly he hugged her back, remembering the smell of sharp fuchsia blood, her goggles still in his sylladex somewhere. He had fallen in and out of love with her, but seeing her vital, _warm_ , alive made his throat choke with tears.

"You're alive," Feferi bubbled, drawing back and cupping him on the cheeks. "You're _alive._ "

"So are you," he managed out.

The other trolls didn't have as warm of a welcome, but it was a relief to see them up and about again. He had to struggle not to laugh or curse at Equius' perfunctory greeting with Aradia, who was trying not to roll her eyes, and even Eridan had nodded at him briefly before retreating back into the room with Feferi. Then there was Nepeta, Tavros --

"Where's Gamzee?" Aradia asked.

"Stuffed in a fucking fridge, and I said we _don't_ talk about his pathetic, bloodwhoring, murderhappy -- " With that the voice broke off at the sight of Sollux and Aradia in the open parlour, their mouth dropping open in evident surprise. "Aradia? _Sollux?!_ "

"Karkat," Aradia said evenly back, even waving a little. "It's been a long time."

Sollux felt like his entire stomach had turned over.

It was _Karkat_ standing at the doorway, the hand still grasping the doorknob, and he was -- he was the same troll Sollux remembered, but he had grown enough in height -- although still a little shorter -- and his horns had sharpened and Sollux felt that he was six again, standing in the lab room in a strange mess of emotions as he watched his leader run around, and his mouth had suddenly gone dry. Red eyes stared back at him in pure astonishment.

"Karkat, you're blocking up the doorway."

"S-sorry. Jade." Karkat moved aside.

Sollux remembered Jade, vaguely, even if he didn't recall what she looked like -- which happened to be very similar to Jane and Jake, except with bright lime eyes. Someone held her arm -- it was a sprite, all glimmering orange with huge wings sprouting from its back, aviators pushed up in bright orange tufts of hair. Jade introduced herself, buckteeth shining in the light, and the sprite was called --

"Davesprite," the final voice said. The human Dave strolled in, looking the same as Sollux remembered, except this time dressed in a hoodie of a similar outfit to Aradia's apparel. Sollux was aware Karkat was still staring at him, but now with an uncomfortable intensity that reminded him of being scrutinized under a microscope. By now the party had already started up in noise, conversation spilling out from every corner. Dave's mouth quirked into an approximation of a smile as he saw the new visitors.

"Hey. Aradia. And, uh..." if Sollux had to guess, the human was squinting at him behind his shades. "Sollux, right? Right. Nice to meet you." He turned to Karkat. "Hey, remember when I said I had something to tell you about Dirk? You _have_ to come along for this."

Karkat snapped out of whatever reverie had been entrapping him. "Oh. Yeah. Okay." He followed after Dave.

 _Do they know each other?_ Sollux quickly strangled the thought -- it was a stupid question. Of course they did. They had known each other and everyone else for _sweeps_ while he and Aradia drifted in the edges of the abyss. It was idiotic to assume otherwise. Karkat gave him a last, unreadable look, and wandered away into the living room.

 _Don't,_ Sollux wanted to say, but said nothing.

Then Aradia had given him an amicable pat and pushed him away into other conversations -- somehow, against all odds, he ended up in one with Nepeta and Equius. "We were both components of a sprite," the latter was explaining, the former not hesitating to glomp onto Sollux until he felt like his guts would fall out. "Puzzingly, Nepeta had ended up combined with the orange bird fellow over by the windowsills."

"The one next to Jade?"

"Yup," Nepeta chimed in, clumsily patting at his cheek. "We just got caught up with things. And I'm glad -- " she exchanged a glance with Equius -- "I'm glad they got Gamzee stowed away. I would've tried to kill him."

Then he found himself with John and Terezi, the former giving him an awkward smile, the latter smacking his knees with her cane. "You didn't tell us where you were this whole time?" Terezi exclaimed. 

"Well, no, me and Aradia didn't die with a palmhusk in hand."

"Good point." Terezi loudly sniffed the air. "You two have met, haven't you? Why don't you talk to each other?"

By the time he escaped her the room seemed to have shrunken in size. All around were faces he barely remembered, faces he had never seen before, and some that gnawed away at his interiors. There was food -- alchemized, he presumed -- he could hear Roxy's laughs cutting through the air like throwing stars, and once Dirk had sidled up to him and asked him something about computers. That might have been Roxy. Aradia was busy chatting with Feferi, and Eridan reluctantly drew him into conversation -- there was drinks being passed around, the human equivalent of soporific, and he started to sip some as Eridan kept talking.

"How were the dream bubbles?" he said to Eridan, more to root himself somewhere then get lost in the sounds.

Eridan grimaced. "My own dancestor asked me out."

"Ew. What the fuck. You said no, right?"

Eridan shuffled his feet.

"You have to be _fucking kidding me._ "

"Look," Eridan started, "a guy gets lonely when he's dead -- "

"Okay, no. I'm out of this convo. Maybe later," he added when he saw Eridan's expression crumple a little. "Sorry, uh, I'll try catching up with you and FF -- " The walls blurred around him, but the soporific -- sour as it was -- burned viscerally down his throat, sloshing into the pits of his stomach, and it lightened the weight in his head. Kanaya was busy saying something and waving a pair of needles about. "Shit," he mumbled, his feet suddenly sluggish and unable to move properly. He could grab onto the furniture, right? Surely he had the permission. Fabric melted under his touch, and he wondered if he was using his powers -- but there were no screams, no burning, acrid smells, and tables and seats jostled him at his elbows and hips. Pricks of pain stung all over his skin. His glass was empty. A dull, painful thrum started up at his horns, and he wondered what would happened if he launched himself back into the sky. With his luck he'd fall right back down, possibly crashing on the roofs, and he imagined his body flailing brokenly along the tiles. _Aradia would kill me again._ Or maybe she wouldn't. He should find her. He didn't want to interrupt her. A hand laid on his arm, cool and soft, and he looked up to find the Jane human trying to speak to him, but then there was a flurry of feathers and Davesprite had enveloped Jade in a rib-crushing hug, hair rippling and flowing and _I don't know who they are, I don't belong here. I don't belong among the living._ He hadn't belonged to the living in a long time. He had no business here --

"For _fuck's_ sake -- "

Maybe someone was dragging him -- down a corridor, up a set of stairs, and his shoes scraped noisily against the surface. Someone was dragging him up onto the roof, far away from the open parlour, and the night air hit his face in a series of refreshing waves. The stars blurred and glittered above his head.

"Hey." A hand patted roughly at his face, trying to jostle him back to lucidity. "Hey. Don't get set off. Calm down, alright?"

When had he dropped the glass? He hoped it didn't break. The hand was warm. Dry. It didn't make sense.

"Sollux." The silhouette wavered before him, and then sharpened into a disgruntled Karkat crouching before him. Sollux realized he was on his knees on the rooftop, the surface digging pointedly into his skin. 

"Huh?"

"Come on, let's get you somewhere safer." Karkat steered him to the edge of the roof -- for an insane second he thought his once best friend was going to shove him off, for daring to pretend to be alive again, but then Karkat lowered him into what looked like a tiny balcony before he himself climbed onto it. Sollux slumped against the railing, staring out into expanses of shadowed field and rippling grass.

"How fucking drunk am I?" he wondered aloud.

"Beyond wasted." Karkat was next to him, and that simple fact made a fizzle of warmth run up Sollux's spine. There was only a single moon in the sky; it was generous to Karkat, slanting across his face and hair, as if he was wrapped in some silvery halo. They stared at each other, leaning on the railing. Sollux couldn't tear his eyes away from Karkat's irises -- the color should have been _wrong,_ but it was right, right in the way Karkat always was, no matter what had ever happened. He could rely on Karkat. He could trust him.

"Hm." Karkat was the first one to break away his gaze. Sollux couldn't tell his brain how to stop staring at the troll. "I...I mean, it really is you. Sollux."

"That's my name," he said, priding himself in speaking through it without slurring. A heavy drum pounded in the back of his skull.

"Yeah, I figured. But -- " Karkat plucked at his sleeve. "You look different. Not as tall, though, thank Gog."

"You too." Being wasted had its uses, Sollux thought. It was easier to say things he normally didn't even think about. "Like -- you look _way_ better. Not so much of a gangly fuck, more like -- " he thought about it. "Cute, I guess. Hot. I dunno."

" _What._ "

"My two cents. Don't bitch about it." The railing was cool and pleasant under his touch. It was nice to catch up with a friend. Why had he been so at unease this whole time? He could've been talking with Karkat. "I mean, it's not like the ultimate first time I've seen you since fucking ever. Why haven't I seen you? I saw you all the time."

"Well, _no,_ " Karkat said, and his voice sounded darker than usual. "Not since you and Aradia _left us_ \-- "

"Saw you in the bubbles, though. Saw you with your...your dancestor, or whatever, and with the Feferi-but-eviler chick, and...and -- " Maybe if he reached out far enough he could touch the stars. That sounded dumb as fuck. "Saw you lots. Lots of times, who fucking knows."

"You never talked to me, though. Not even once."

"Of course I wouldn't," Sollux agreed amiably. "You don't talk to someone you wanna love, you know? That's -- " He remembered a human phrase Aradia had given him. "Not kosher."

"Do you even know what kosher means?"

"Hell no." Sollux laughed under his breath. "I'm going to be honest, if I'd known you'd actually talk to me I mighta...might've not come here. Sounds dumb just to come here." He wished there was more soporific; his head was going to kill him. "We're _reuniting,_ aren't we? That's cool, right? That's cool."

"I change my mind," Karkat finally said. "You're fucking _blitzed,_ Sollux, and I don't even know what the fuck is going on. I thought you wanted some fresh air, not to vomit a mountain of shit out of your flaphole."

"That's rude to mountains of shit, KK." The nickname came back as easily as breathing. " _Man,"_ he breathed, blinking his eyes furiously, "I _missed_ you, you short little fucker. I don't think I noticed it until right now. I miss you so damn much."

"Then why did you leave?" There was a ragged note in Karkat's voice that made Sollux blink a bit harder, some part of his heart twisting where the words had actually reached his mind. It felt like a filter had been placed between him and his senses, leaving him dulled, blissed, muted and soft. Like falling slowly into water. 

"Why would I stay?" he wondered out loud. Karkat's hand rested on the rail, the fingers twitching slightly. Probably in agitation. What would he be pissed about? Sollux laced his fingers with Karkat, trying to calm the twitching, dimly hearing Karkat mutter a curse. It was warm to the touch. Different from holding AA's hand. His fingers were thicker, more callused from weapons, and Sollux traced the lines of his palm. "Why would I stay?" he repeated, staring up close at Karkat's hand. Maybe he had a hand fetish. He sure as hell hadn't been obssessed with Aradia's hand, but here he was, ready to practically drool over Karkat's fingers. 

Karkat's expression was hidden by a mop of hair. Easy solution. Sollux brushed it away from his face, revealing the eyes that tugged his heart into pieces, and he wondered where all his trepidation had went. The soporific was nice, he supposed. Karkat's eyes found his before turning away.

"You could've stayed for me," the shorter troll mumbled. "At least."

That did sound like a nice idea. Sollux held up their entwined hands, some distant part of him demanding why Karkat hadn't pulled away yet, but he gave it no thought. "Look, our hands." He stifled a giggle. "It fits perfectly."

"It does, yeah." Karkat's voice was so soft.

"I think a lot of things fit perfectly. Like -- " this was a very straightforward answer. Sollux poked at Karkat's nose, mouth, horns, noting a low flush crawling up Karkat's face. "Like everything, really. I really should've stayed. What was it, one sweep? Two?"

"Three." Karkat's face hardened, and he tugged his hand out of Sollux's. "What the _fuck_ are you playing at."

Sollux couldn't process the pangs of pain in his chest. "What? I'm just holding your hand -- "

"Are you actually trying this? For real?" There was a note of panic in Karkat's voice now. "You -- you _come out of nowhere_ after three sweeps. _Three sweeps._ And you don't -- you don't say hi, you don't even look at me, but look at this -- this _fucking coincidence_ that you're wasted right now and talking to me! I don't have shit-for-brains, Sollux! If you didn't want to talk to me, because _somehow_ I must've done something -- and I don't know what -- then it should _stay. That. Way._ Go -- go blab this generic useless shit at someone else, okay, I don't want to hear any fucking more --"

"But I like you," Sollux said. He felt confused. "No, not friend like, like -- _like like._ Gog, I sound like ED."

"What the _fuck._ "

"To liking you? I don't see the big deal." It was as simple as breathing. It was just another process of life, to fall in love with a troll that had everything and nothing at all. It was easier than falling asleep. "It's easy to love you. Not -- not any of the quadrant bullshit. But it's easy to scoop you up, and hold you, and hear you talk and complain and whine and laugh." It was effortless saying it aloud. Almost dreamy. "I did a lot of thinking when I was in space, you know. Space brain." He laughed at his own joke. "I thought about you a lot."

"You can't be serious."

"I am," Sollux said simply, and then he fell onto the floor.

.

.

.

Consciosuness returned slowly to the cognizance. 

His senses trickled back in, like a runny stream of water, and then he became aware that he was lying supine on a hard surface. A grey slab of ceiling arched overhead. Walls and a window surrounded him.

_I'm in a room._

The surface was strange, though; there was a lump of rectangular cloths piled over his legs and chest, and a fluffy material propping up his head. The room was spacious enough, if empty. Footsteps sounded outside the door and he instinctively pulled the blankets up to his chest. He noticed he was still wearing his clothes, sans shoes and socks.

Karkat entered the room.

Memories immediately flooded back into Sollux's brain. _Fuck._ He remembered standing at the balcony, holding Karkat's hand, drunkenly blabbing at...actually, he wasn't sure what he had said. Hopefully it hadn't been too embarrassing.

Karkat sat on a stool next to the bed, simply observing him. Sollux winced a little -- he had said something weird, right?He tried to move, but a pulse of pain stung into his head and he opted to stay where he was.

"Surprisingly you're not reacting too bad to the hangover," Karkat finally said, his voice bitter. "Last time I drank that much I vomited into the loo for half an hour straight. It was fucking disgusting, let me tell you."

"Karkat," Sollux began.

"I had to haul your bony ass all the way to one of the spare rooms. Now it's just me, you, Dirk, and Aradia in the house. Everyone else cleared out." Karkat stared out the window, where a faint ray of light had slipped in. "Aradia probably got wasted too, judging by the fact she's passed out on the couch. I'll probably leave soon."

"Karkat."

"But really," Karkat continued, not looking at him at all, "I don't see what's the big deal. It's not like you tried to hold my hand and then you tell me you _love me_ and yet you left -- " His voice caught in his throat. "If you were _anyone_ else, I fucking swear, I'd punch the living shit out of you."

"I...what? I said I loved you?"

"I don't have video evidence, brainless, but I heard it." Karkat's gaze was borderline furious and -- _sorrowful?_ \-- as it finally returned to Sollux's. 

This was _not_ what he had imagined his reunion with Karkat to be like.

Reflexively Sollux scrambled for an answer, trying to piece together what little had he remembered --

_Oh._

_Oh shit, I did say that._

He couldn't -- he _had,_ he had said all of that to Karkat under the moon and stars, and he didn't even know what else to say. _Do I take it back? Do I try to laugh it off?_ Judging by how murdeous Karkat's stare was becoming, either option had the appeal of dunking his head in a vat of Equius' sweat. Maybe he could just keep his mouth shut. Maybe -- 

"Maybe," Karkat interrupted, "I want a gogdamn explanation. And you're not leaving the room until you give me one."

There was no way he could overpower Karkat, not in his current state of mind, anyhow. Sollux stared down his hands. One of them had held Karkat's own, and somehow the memory of warm, dry skin made him feel braver.

"What do you want me to say?" he dared to ask.

"Whatever you meant by it." And when the sunlight shone on Karkat's face at the angle, his face softening marginally under the light, it was wiggler's play to speak. 

"I do love you," Sollux said, as calmly as he could. "I don't remember what I said to you yesterday night. But I'm in love with you." It was both harder and easier this time around, which amounted to nothing. "I think I've been in love with you for a long time."

Karkat's face was frozen, like a mask. Sollux bit his lip and plowed on further, a strange, twisting sensation rising in his chest.

"I don't know when," he said quietly. "Maybe back at the meteor, each time you laughed with TZ or you typed away at the computer and hissing, or when I came back from the Sun and you were crying -- " he paused, his heart beating painfully, "you were crying over me. I was in your arms. And then AA and I went to the depths of space, and when we weren't seeing our old friends and we were alone and...I thought of you. Almost all the time. I wished I stayed and I wish you could've came with me and I feel so gogdamn selfish, but I don't, because it would've been worth it to see you again, to talk with you. To..." he trailed off. The room was silent.

When he risked glancing up at Karkat's face, he almost jumped in surprise on how torn the other troll's face seemed to be, like he was about to cry.

"Karkat?"

"Fuck." Karkat's mouth tightened suspiciously. "Fuck, fuck, _fuck._ You _love_ me. You..."

"Yeah, I...do." Sollux couldn't tell if it was hope or dread festering in his stomach. "A lot."

"Sollux, _shit._ Holy shit." Karkat twisted his hands as if he was trying to choke someone. "Do you -- did you want an answer?"

Sollux could only nod.

"I -- me too," Karkat stammered, his voice cracking. "So much. You don't even know, do you?"

It was dread, Sollux realized, that had swarmed up his throat, a crippling, paralyzing dread as Karkat reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. It sickened him all the way down to his toes. He held it out to Sollux. _Don't take it,_ a voice screamed from within Sollux. _Don't._

It was a simple photograph. Both Karkat and Dave smiled up at the camera lens, the sunset mellow and warm behind them, their arms around each other's shoulders. It was a simple picture, a simple happiness, a simple scene. Sollux stared down at it, uncomprehending. 

"If you told me this three sweeps ago," Karkat whispered, sounding so close to tears, "I would've -- I would've been the fucking happiest troll in the universe. If you told me this even a _sweep_ ago I would've -- I don't know, but I would have waited for you. I would've waited for you until the day I die."

In the photo, Karkat stared up at him, the smile small but as genuine as any.

"You and Dave," Sollux said. Something felt wrong with his lungs.

"...yeah." Karkat faced him fully. "Yeah, we are."

The sun continued to rise. Sollux stared a little longer at the picture, and knew that later -- very much later -- he'd sit down somewhere and stare even harder into a distance unachievable, the planet rotating and breathing beneath his feet, and he would feel hollow inside. He would feel like his guts had been sheared through by a sword, the way his heart pulsed into his throat, and

he felt sick, _sick,_ not from jealously or hatred or anything but from -- the same emptiness he had felt when he had found Aradia's body, the same despair when he had reached out blind and touched Feferi's hair. It was an awful, rotting feeling, like staring into an empty room where voices had once laughed and breathed, and the prickle of tears behind his eyes was a sensation almost shockingly foreign, yet desolately familiar.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 4/13.


End file.
